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PLAB Group
FAQ
These are some of the most frequently asked questions about the PLAB-Group.
- How did we meet?
- Who sleeps with whom? How do we decide which bed to end up in?
- Kids and families of choice...are you having any?
- Budgeting
- Do you live together?
- Coming out
- Did you ever consider just switching partners?
- Do we think we're better/more evolved/advanced than traditional monogamous couples?
- Holidays and/or family of origin issues
- Are we all going to keep our names?
- What does PLAB stand for?
- What do you guys look like?
- Are you still swingers?
- How do you know you're right for each other?
Holidays and/or family of origin issues
Answered By: G (with C)
G's Version: – 4 December 2003
First Course
So, do they know? That's the issue isn't it...where the rubbers hit the road, as they say. Well, the answer is...sort of. Or maybe.
A couple of stories. We (G and C) decided that it was finally time for B and J to meet C's parents. Going to Eagan is a (surprisingly) big (and uninteresting) part of our lives. If B and J didn't bolt after meeting C's 'rents, we knew that they were probably keepers. So we spent an agonizing night in Eagan doing laundry and looking through WWII memorabilia. Soon, more meals followed...we ate Somali, we eat Buca, we eat all over. Knowing full well that we're taking advantage of their generous (and gratis) food, C asks her mom before one of these trips if B and J can come along. Mom says, "Sure, they can join the family". Oh, they already did, we want to respond!
But do we? Do they need to know? Do we need to make a political statement by telling them? They're the real questions. As Minnesotans, her parents want more than anything not to pry into our lives and to avoid conflict. If they were to find out the details, C suspects that they probably wouldn't say anything or make any reference to it anyway. But she doesn't relish the thought of sitting down with them and having "the talk." We were never careful with evidence, maybe we want them to "accidentally" find out. Are they totally clueless? We're not sure. One time, Mom told us, "You sure know so many interesting people."
Seconds
We spent our first holiday together, with J's family (and C's family at T2: Judgement Meal). No one even asked much about who we were. We didn't kiss, which was weird, but we did hold hands and snuggle. I've resolved never to lie to anyone about it unless they're in a shooting mood about it, but they have to ask. We're being casual with our affection, but in a way that wouldn't make anyone suspicious unless they were hip already. We don't have big "Family of Choice" buttons (though that's a good idea!), or bring it up much.
A firmer recknoning will have to be reached though by the time the house buying and weddings come around. We figure that anyone that sees our house, and the big bedroom (with the two beds in it) will either ask, or willfully ignore what they see.
Mama's Little Boy, All Grown Up
My (G here) mom Judy is coming to visit for the first time ever later this month. It is right to unload all this stuff on her at once...let's see, Bi Activism, Erotic Photographer, Sexuality Researcher, Family of Choice member. Will she talk about it with C's parents? I want Judy to meet B and J, so I have to have a cover, if I'm not going to be honest about it. Maybe I'll talk to her about how proud I was of her when she got her tattoo, and how happy I am that she's found happiness in solitude, free of manly interference. Then I'll tell her about falling in love (and in love again) and how happy I am. I'll figure something out, anyway.
I'm more worried about feeding her than telling her, to tell you the truth!
Leftovers
In summary, we're still winging it, when it comes to reconciling our families of origin with our family of choice. We don't have an organized "we spend holiday x with family y in combination z" system. Christmas won't be so much of an issue this year, since B & J have to be out of state with their famlies and C&G have to be here with hers and his mom. Nevertheless, we certainly plan to spend some special holiday time just the four of us, whether and when the famlies of origin will be involved is up in the air. Eventually, people will hear more than they want to, like as not, because at least one of us in each couple believes that our lives are our politics, but not until we're ready. We hope that being out will help remove some of the stigma and misconceptions people have about Families of Choice.
